Exhaustion

For some reason, I have a horrible time sleeping the night before an exam. I did EVERYTHING right yesterday. I got up early instead of sleeping in. I refused to drink anything caffeinated all day. I made sure to eat a couple hours before going to bed. I stopped studying an hour before bedtime (2am) and took a long semi-hot shower. (The shower was supposed to be really hot, but my water heater disagreed. It wasn't cold, it just wasn't hot. I should have turned up the temp before finals. Someone remind me of this next semester).

Anyway, totally exhausted, I crawl in bed feeling confident that I have left myself enough time to finish studying for my exam and still get a good night sleep.

Foiled by insomnia. 3 hours later, I decide to just get up and study some more. Needless to say, I don't think I was on top of my exam game. Also, I apologize if this post is completely incoherent. I will try to at least spell check, but I make no guarantees. On the plus side, I suspect nearly everyone will get a B+ on that last exam. Sometimes, the forced curve is a good thing, especially when the professor doesn't want to grade a lot of exams! (Yes, everyone in the school blows of professional responsibility. The material doesn't really matter until you hit the MPRE anyway. Meaning, I'll be relearning all that info next semester. Yay)

So, here I sit, totally exhausted, listening to the chatter of panicked 1Ls (who have 1 exam left), and I have come to the realization that I AM 1/2 WAY DONE WITH LAW SCHOOL.

It's a revelation that's both thrilling and terrifying. The truth is I love law school. I love the people, I love the classes, and I really love the free swag ("free" meaning $60k in loans/year for a couple of wine and cheese receptions, a few lunches, lots of candy, and some merchandise from bar review courses/westlaw/lexis). Heck, I don't even mind exams all that much. I mean, I could live without them, but given the choice between law school with exams and no law school, law school with exams wins by a long shot. I can't believe that it's going to end so soon!

Here's hoping the next 3 semesters are as awesome as the last!

Life: Faint of Heart Need Not Apply

So, I had the most depressing conversation with a friend today. She told me that she knew what she really wanted to do, but that she couldn't put in the money to get the proper degree when she knew that finding the right job in the field would be almost impossible. In short, the risk of unemployment is just too big. She believes that it's better to find something that she kind of likes that's a guaranteed job.

The problem? There is no such thing as a guaranteed job, not anymore. When I entered law school, the motto was "It's UVA, everyone finds a job." Indeed, everyone was expected to find a job--a job at a big firm with a big firm salary. There was "no risk" in investing hundreds of thousands of dollars (emphasis on the plural at the end of hundreds) in getting said degree, because "EVERYONE FINDS A JOB." Then the economy crashed, and there are a lot of depressed people around school because not everybody is finding a job. Not all the 3Ls, not all the 2Ls, and, come spring, I suspect that there will be some very disappointed 1Ls.

Out of everyone, you know who is the most depressed? The people that came to law school because "everyone finds a job." That's, thankfully, not why I came. I came to law school because I have a passion for women's issues, for lobbying, and simply for helping people. I knew that I would be taking out a lot of loans (I could have purchased my dad's house kind of loans) and that I would not be getting a big firm salary. I knew that finding a job in the public interest sector would be more difficult. Frankly, openings in my field don't happen every year. I know that I'll probably have to defer the dream, work in something that's not ideal for a time, live off Ramen Noodles while trying to pay back my loans, but I came here anyway, and I'm still glad I did.

I'm not a risk taker in every aspect of my life. I find the prospect of failing to pay off my credit card in full every month terrifying. We won't even go into relationships and my lack of risk taking in that arena. School, however, is something I've always been willing to take risks on. No matter how tough the odds, how scary the job prospects (let me impress once again on how terrifying they are), how much debt I'll be in when I graduate, I know I will make it. Somehow, I will make it. Maybe I'll end up with a financial need deferment on the loans. Maybe I'll have to live in the basement of some old person's house and wash their smelly, wrinkly old feet when I get off work for a discount on the rent, but I will find a way.

My advice to anyone reading this? Don't settle for a job you're not passionate about. Aim high, aim for what you want to do. In my mind, it's better to be a passionate and starving artist than a semi-successful person trapped in a job that is merely tolerable.

At least my happiness doesn't depend on the state of the economy.