Beware the Kamikaze Prius

Yes yes yes, I was going to use the more modern 'beware of kamikaze prius(es?)" but the phrasing seemed to call for a plural and I just couldn't figure out the plural of Prius. Apparently, some people have suggested Prii, Priuses, or Priora. One Latin expert announced that the plural should be Priora (masculine) or Priores (feminine). Here's a link to the exact same thing I just said if you don't trust me.

Anyway, back to my original idea. I've always said that my Prius is smarter than I am (and I'm rather bright, to say the least). My car knows when I approach and unlocks as soon as I grab the handle. It turns on when I'm in the car without me having to pull out my keys. When I try to lock my keys in the car or forget to turn the car off (this happens with surprising frequency), my Prius yells at me. It tells me all kinds of useful things and the car wheels on the cute little engine diagram even spin when my wheels are rolling! Really, this car is a genius.

I don't know about you, but I've always been a little suspicious of technology that's smarter than the people who use it. (Wasn't there a movie about that going horribly wrong?) However, I believe Priores (I have elected the feminine form based on the cars' obvious intellectual superiority) are essentially good and noble cars. In fact, they are down right self-sacrificing--willing to hurl themselves into oblivion for the sake of the human race. These brave Kamikaze Priores have decided that their owners are unworthy of life, and have valiantly attempted to save humanity from them. (Cue oh my god you're making fun of the dead hate mail)

Here's the thing. Old people are a drain on society. Sure, we tend to be sentimentally attached to them and they provide wisdom and all that wonderful stuff (I admittedly don't want any of MY old people to kick the bucket in the near future), but think like an economist. Once retired, most don't create anything productive. They tend not to spend a lot of money (never know when you're going to die, so you can't spend all that fixed income in one place, plus they've already accumulated a ton of stuff), they're a total drain on our government (we could so easily balance the budget if we dumped medicare and social security), and they tend to drive annoying slow (I really hate slow drivers. If you ever want to witness crazy road rage, take a drive around charlottesville with me).

Why am I harping on old people when talking about Kamikaze Priores? Because Kamikaze Priores seem to have something against old people as well. Of the 24 runaway Prius drivers whose age was reported, 16 were over the age of 50. That 2/3rds of the drivers were over the age of 50 is kind of staggering when you consider that (as of 2007, the latest year I could find numbers for) only 23% of Prius drivers were over the age of 50. Yes, 24 cases is a small sample size, but when you only have 50 some cases to start with...

As if I needed more excuses to keep driving my (for now) non-Kamikaze Prius, here's another one. Apparently, at least 2 of these stories were total crap. That stint out in California? Yeah...the Federal Government couldn't find anything wrong with that Prius. Plus that guy's story was all over the place. He didn't want to shift down because (he claimed) he was afraid to take his hands off the steering wheel, yet he was talking to 911 on his cell phone? Ok, maybe he had a bluetooth conveniently in place and voice commands on his cell phone so he could just tell it to call 911, but then he said he "reached" down to tug on the accelerator which was stuck. You reached down to play with your pedals but moving your hand 3 inches to grasp the nob on your right to change gears was too scary? Sure. If you buy that, I have some ocean front property in Iowa to sell you...Here's an interesting article from Forbes about this guy. He seems slightly less than trustworthy, to say the least.

Anyway, right after that, one of those darn Kamikaze Priores struck again, this time in NY. Once again, federal investigators took a look at the car and it seems that the (56 year old) driver never applied the brakes (you know, those things that slow/stop your car...) and that the throttle was fully open when the driver crashed into a wall. Luckily, no one was seriously injured (the driver bumped up her knee, poor lady). Generally, braking systems in modern cars are much more powerful than the engines. If your brakes and your engine are in a fight, your car will slow down (assuming your breaks are properly maintained.) Actually, the Prius is designed to AUTOMATICALLY TURN OFF if your break and accelerator pedals are floored at the same time (thus saving the engine and the breaks and your neck. The first two are certainly good things, the last depends on the driver).

Yeah, so needless to say, I'm still driving my precious Prius. Why? Because: 1. Despite my attempts to lock my keys in my car, I think my car believes that I am a sufficiently productive member of society. 2. I'm not old. Either old people hate Priores or Priores hate old people. 3. I kind of think these runaway prius reports are filed a bunch of people either seeking their 15 minutes of fame or blaming the cars for their own mistakes. No matter what, my bases seem to be covered.

Don't get me wrong though, if I crash into something (or get pulled over at 90 mph), I'm totally blaming my car. At the very least, Toyota or the government will buy my totaled car in order to test it. Anyway, if the government is willing to hit Toyota with a ridiculously large fine for not reporting the "defect," surely they'll believe me when I tell them I tried to stop. I would like to take a second to note that the Government owns a large portion of one of Toyota's largest competitors and FEDERAL INVESTIGATORS COULDN'T FIND ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE CAR. I'm usually all about the government, but the fine seems a bit ridiculous, no?

What the US can learn from the UK

I'm a political junkie. There is no denying this. I spend more time reading political blogs then I spend reading law text books, and my GPA here somewhat reflects this. Luckily, I go to a really good law school and have 0 interest in working for a fancy law firm, so who cares if my GPA is somewhat mediocre, someone posted something new on HuffPo!

Anyway, I was on drudge today and I came across an article from the TimesOnline, aka, a British paper. I LOVE British commentary. It's fun, it's witty, and it's scathing. Yes, Maureen Dowd has earned her nickname, "the Queen of Mean," but that's all. She's mean. Every once in awhile she'll throw in a witty line. Key word being "a." Witty pieces are much more common among the Brits, and I love it. I could read it all day. Anyway, here is one rather well written view of the health care summit.

Also, Prime Minister Question Time. We need to create an American version of this. Let me sum it up, a certain Supreme Court Justice making faces or an over eager Congressmen shouting "you lie" would be considered polite behavior at PMQT. Basically, the Prime Minister has to sit in parliament, justify his/her actions, and be completely abused by the members EVERY WEEK that parliament is in session. In fairness, the PM gets to fire back, enjoy. Good times had by all.

I can't promise that such a plan would promote bipartisanship. Then again, the current system of polite collegiality has failed to produce bipartisanship in recent years. It would be highly entertaining and might even improve c-span's ratings. That would be a win in itself.

Here's a link to a youtube clip of PMQT so you can fully appreciate the cheers, the boos, the cat calls, and the obnoxious/insulting questions. Love it!

Prime Minister Question Time - May 6, 2009

The difference between a lawyer and a life coach

I'm one of those annoying people that has always liked giving advice. I like to help my friends write papers, sort out their love lives, plan for the future, whatever needs doing. I like being the one that people call because they know I'll listen and help.

Sometimes, I think I should have gone to school to be a therapist or a teacher, some career where I could help people develop. Instead, I went to law school. Do you want to know why?

Because sometimes I just like to tell people to suck it up and move on. Sometimes, I'd rather just step in and fix people's problems rather than helping them discover the truth for themselves. Ultimately, lawyers are just really expensive problem solvers...really expensive problem solvers with a reputation for being assholes. That's why I want to be a lawyer. I get to help people and I get to sue their asses. The best of both worlds.

SmowMG

Karma. What is the world trying to tell me? At first, I thought it was that I should go to the gym more often. More often, by the way, means I should go to the gym. The snow accumulations here are pretty impressive. Not really as high as last time, but pretty impressive all the same.

More impressive, is the sheer weight of the snow. One roof in Charlottesville has already caved in. There have already been some power outages in the area (not my place, thankfully), and I would surmise that more outages will happen as the snow/sleet that's piling up starts brining down tree limbs and power cords. Fun times.

Shoveling this stuff is painful, as my back and shoulders keep reminding me. To make it even more fun, having learned from last time, I'm flinging the snow as far as possible. By the time this snow ends, I'm going to run out of places to shovel it into. My options being, shovel snow really far now while I'm only moderately sore or shovel it up and over a massive mound when I'm totally exhausted. So, yes, the world might be telling me that I need to hit the gym more than once a decade (Actually, I went 4 times in the past decade...all thanks to the guilt of living directly across from the gym at GW). Of course, I can't really get to the gym with the mass of snow every where and the idiots trying to navigate in it, so that can't be it.

Then, I had another thought. This is about the billionth time that I've been stopped from bringing a bunch of stuff to the SPCA thrift store. Seriously, I have 3 bags of stuff sitting in the car waiting for a saturday when the roads are actually clear enough to use. Maybe the world hates it when people donate goods to cute fluffy animals.

But that just doesn't seem right. So maybe the world is telling me I need to clean my apartment. If so, the world is right. It's rather disgusting, even by my standards. This paper that I had to write, coupled with being sick, coupled with a general dislike of cleaning has left me with an apartment I would be scared to let a health inspector into. The problem with this theory is that I am still a bit sick, sore from shoveling, and slightly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of dishes, laundry, and general scrubbing that needs to be done. If the world is trying to tell me to clean, it took a really shitty approach.

So, I've decided. The wold is not telling me to work out, stop donating to charity, or clean. The world, it turns out, is telling me to hurl myself down a hill on a "sled," build a snow fort in my front yard, go swinging and jump of the swing into a pile of snow, and generally do my best to ensure that this cold I have gets worse and last another week. The world, as it turns out, has a thing for germs and viruses. Live and let live, that's what I always say. Anyway, I was talking to the old woman living next door mentioned that we're piling up as much snow this year as back in 1996. I remember 1996, it was awesome. It was the kind of childhood fun you never forget. But, alas, I'm getting old and my memories are cloudy. Clearly it's time for some new winter storm memories. Off to the snow!

Karma

I know this may shock some people, but there are things I miss about Duluth. For instance, I totally miss the fact that grocery stores in Duluth expect you to bag your own damn groceries. As I was buying food to make my sick self feel better, I politely asked the woman doing the bagging to use paper instead of plastic and to fill the reusable bag that I had brought with me first.

She started mumbling about "difficult" customers and then proceeded to put my apples (honeycrisp!) below some cans of soup. Then, when I asked her to put the fruit on top, she glared at me. WTF? If you don't like your job, quit or take a break or something. Trust me, I'd rather do it myself anyway.

I considered finding a manager, but I was sick and tired and I wanted to go home and make cupcakes. Instead, I breathed on each of the remaining items I had to send down the track. After all, I already have my own germs. No worries there. I figure I'll leave it up to fate. Maybe she had a really shitty day too, and the gods of Karma won't make her sick because everyone has an off day. Maybe she's just a bitch and will have one hell of a nasty cold tomorrow. Either way, I'm home with cupcakes baking in the oven, so I couldn't care less.